Monday, December 21, 2015

Document of Vehement Verbigeration

"Ooh aah Cantona": stifling a curse, I tend to say this when I am physically hurt in a child's company (reserved for modest pain, e.g. on burning myself on a baking tray, snagging my hand on a thorn or stubbing my toe on a bed leg).

"ZZ Top": I say this when, for the last time, exhausted and exasperated, I tell the kids to go to bed, reinforcing the command with a non-verbal cue (with my elbows on the axle of my abdomen, swivelling my arms to point my fingers in the direction of their bedroom).

"Oh Matron": something I say in a sordid manner when I am finally going to the toilet after holding it in for too long.

"Ooh Crosse and Blackwell": I invariably say this when I am in the process of fitting either myself or my car through a narrow opening.