Me reading a stanza from my new book. I had planned to deliver it straight, but a funny theatre happened on the way to the thing.




The first of the ghostly sightings was in
The winter of 1608:
Think of the months you associate
With spring, with summer, with birdsong –
All of these clement months had long
Been winter in Dymperk, so while
This sighting took place in August, I’ll
Stand by the wintry season ascribed.
In 1608, a man described,
Perhaps too keenly,
How he had witnessed a lady obscenely
Hovering in mid-air:
You would expect a ghost at least to wear
Knickers – not this apparition!
She hovered in an upright position,
Her legs spread, her knees
Bent; and a gynaecologist sees
Less in a whole career
Than that man, crouching in fear,
Saw in a couple of ticks;
With the power to transfix,
Her unmentionable chasm
Was served by the stirrups of ectoplasm
That held her feet estranged,
As well as the hem of her skirt, which ranged
High above her waistline.