My belly has stopped moving in and out whenever I breathe. The flesh surrounding my misshapen navel is vacuuming inwards, unable to be separated from the intestines behind it; and they are stuck together like the inlet of a balloon that got damp before it could be inflated, pulled by the tumour that is still growing in my kidney. As I look at myself in the mirror, leaning forward with my hands on the sink to gain a fuller breath, I wonder how this could ever be reversed.